70 offensive jokes

Q & A——————————————————————————–

Q. What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree ?

A. Hold on to your nuts, this is going to be a hell of a blowjob !

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Q. Whats the difference between a nigger and a tyre ?

A. Tyres don’t sing when you put chains on them …

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Q. Why did the Irisman refuse to be a Jehovas Witness ?

A. Because he didn’t see the accident …

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Q. Why do Iraquians carry shit in their wallets ?

A. For identification.

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Q. How do you get a kleenex to dance ?

A. Blow a boogie into it.

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Q. Why did the poof get fired from the job at the spermbank ?

A. He was caught drinking on the job …

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Q. Whats the definition of a perfect woman ?

A. a) Three feet tall with a round hole for a mouth and a flat head

      so that you can put a pint of beer on it.

   b) The sports model has pullback ears and her teeth fold in.

   c) The economy model fucks all night and at midnight turn into a

      roastbeef sandwich and a sixpack.

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Q. How do you get four poofs on a barstool ?

A. Turn it upside-down …

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Q. Why don’t Westindian cheerleadergirls do the splits ?

A. They would stick to the floor !

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Q. Why do blacks wear widebrimmed hats ?

A. To prevent birds from shitting on their lips.

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Q. Why do blacks wear platform shoes ?

A. To stop their knuckles from dragging on the ground.

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Q. What do elephants use for tampoons ?

A. Sheep.

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Q. How do you say “fuck off” in jewish ?

A. “Trust me!”

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Q. Whats the definition of jewish foreplay ?

A. Two hours of begging.

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Q. What do you get if you cross Bo Derek with a nigger ?

A. 10 of spades …

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Q. What do you do in case of fallout ?

A. Put it back in and take shorter strokes !

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Q. What has six legs and eats pussy ?

A. You, me and Billy Jean King.

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Q. What’s the brown stuff between the elephants toes ?

A. Slow natives.

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Q. What’s better than roses on your piano ?

A. Two lips on your organ …

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Q. What do you get if you cross a nigger with a gorilla ?

A. A dumb gorilla.

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Q. What does it say inside a nigger’s lips ?

A. Inflate to twenty pounds.

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Q. Why brixton niggers have such small steeringwheels ?

A. So that they can drive with their handcuffs on …

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Q. Whats the difference between a Jew and a pizza ?

A. Pizzas don’t scream in the oven.

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Q. Why do Jews have such big noses ?

A. Air is free …

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Q. What did Adam say to Eve ?

A. You’d better stand back, I don’t know how big this thing gets.

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Q. What do you have when you’re up to your ankles in niggers ?

A. Afro turf.

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Q. What’s old wrinkled and smells like Ginger Rogers ?

A. Fred Astairs face.

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Q. What’s yellow ugly and sleeps alone ?

A. Yoko Ono.

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Q. Where is an elephants sex organ ?

A. In his feet. If he steps on you, you’re fucked !

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Q. Whats black and white and has three eyes ?

A. Sammy Davies Jr. and his wife.

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Q. What do Hockey goalies and westindian girls have in common ?

A. They both change their pads after three periods.

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Q. What do you get if you cross a nigger with a monkey ?

A. Nothing, monkeys are too intelligent to fuck niggers.

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Q. Why does Barbara Bush always get on top ?

A. Because George can only fuck up.

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Q. Why did god create the orgasm ?

A. So that niggers should know when to stop fucking.

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Q. What do you do if you see a drowning nigger ?

A. Throw him an anchor.

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Q. How do you save a drowning nigger ?

A. Take your foot of his head.

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Q. What do you call an Irishman with half a brain ?

A. Gifted.

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Q. What do you call an Irishman with four ‘O’-levels ?

A. A liar.

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Q. Why do women have two holes so close together ?

A. In case you miss.

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Q. What do you call a beautiful girl in poland ?

A. A tourist.

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Q. What is the title of the new Vietnamamese cookbook ?

A. 100 way to wok your dog.

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Q. How can you tell if a woman is wearing tights ?

A. If she farts, her ankles swell.

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Q. How do you know if a woman is wearing underwear ?

A. Look for dandruff on her shoes.

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Q. Why don’t niggers drive convertibles ?

A. Thier lips would slap them to death in the wind.

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Q. What’s the definition of mass confusion ?

A. Father’s day in Brixton.

 

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Q. Whats the ultimate rejection ?

A. Your hand falling asleep while your having a wank.

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Q. How do you kill a westindian ?

A. Slap the toiletseat over his head while he’s taking a drink of water.

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Q. What happens when a jew walks in to a wall with a full erection ?

A. He breaks his nose.

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Q. How many blacks does it take to pave a driveway ?

A. It depends on how thin you slice them.

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Q. What’s the difference between a bowlingball and a westindian girl ?

A. You can only get three fingers in a bowlingball.

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Q. What do lesbians like more than Levi Jeans ?

A. Billy Jeans.

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Q. How do you know when the barman is really pissed off ?

A. When you find a string in your bloody mary.

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Q. Do you know how to save a drowning nigger ?

.. No ?!?

 Good!

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Q. Why is Italy shaped like a boot ?

A. Because you couldn’t get that much shit into a shoe.

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Q. What’s natural dentalfloss ?

A. Pubic hair.

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Q. How did god make puertoricans ?

A. He sandblasted niggers.

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Q. Why did the homesexual leave home ?

A. He didn’t like the way he was beeing reared.

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Q. Why don’t niggers have chequebooks ?

A. Because it’s hard to sign your name with a spraypaint.

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Q. What do you get if you cross a Jew with a gypsy ?

A. A chain of empty stores.

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Q. Why do Iraquians smell so bad ?

A. So blind people can hate them as well.

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Q. What are the three greates lies ?

A. 1) Black is beautiful

   2) The check is in the mail

   3) Of course I won’t come in your mouth.

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Q. Why do women have two holes so close together ?

A. So you can carry them home like a sixpack.

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Q. How do you brainwash an Irishman ?

A. Give him an enema.

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Q. Why wasn’t jesus born in the U.S.A ?

A. Because god couldn’t find three wise men and a virgin.

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Q. Why do Italians wear hats ?

A. To know which end to wipe.

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Q. Why did god give the niggers rythm ?

A. Compensation because he fucked up their hair.

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Q. How did the Irish acid-bath murderer loose his hand ?

 

A. Pulling out the plug.

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Q. What is blue and fucks old age pensioners ?

A. Hypothermia.

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Q. What is the only bad thing about the ’69’ position ?

A. The view.

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Q. Whats the definition of a vicious circle ?

A. A cunt with teeth.

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If you’ve read this far and got pissed of, see the Keywords-line …

Disclaimer: I’m not a racist, I just enjoy all kinds of raw homur.

One comment on “70 offensive jokes”

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