Funny one-liners

Funny One-Liners

100,000 sperm and you were the fastest?
42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
A closed mouth gathers no foot.
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
A day without sunshine is like, night.
A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.
All generalizations are false, including this one.
All men are idiots, and I married their King.
Always remember you’re unique, just like everyone else.
Always try to be modest and be proud of it!
Anything worth taking seriously is worth making fun of.
Artificial Intelligence usually beats real stupidity.
Assassins do it from behind.
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
Auntie Em, Hate you, hate Kansas, taking the dog. Dorothy.
Be nice to your kids. They’ll choose your nursing home.
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
Beer: It’s not just for breakfast anymore.
Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes.
Better to understand a little than to misunderstand a lot.
Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks
Borrow money from a pessimist, they don’t expect it back.
Boycott shampoo! Demand the REAL poo!
C program run. C program crash. C programmer quit.
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
Chocolate: the OTHER major food group.
Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
Corduroy pillows: They’re making headlines!
Could you drive any better if I shoved that cell phone up your ass?
Criminal Lawyer is a redundancy.
Daddy, why doesn’t this magnet pick up this floppy disk?
Death is hereditary.
Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how popular it remains?
Did anyone see my lost carrier?
Diplomacy is the art of saying good doggie while looking for a bigger stick.
Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either. Just leave me alone.
Don’t be irreplaceable; if you can’t be replaced, you can’t be promoted.
Don’t drink and drive. You might hit a bump and spill your drink.
Don’t piss me off! I’m running out of places to hide the bodies.
Don’t take life too seriously, you won’t get out alive.
Double your drive space. Delete Windows!
Duct tape is like the force, it has a light side and a dark side and it holds the universe together.
Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines.
Energizer Bunny arrested and charged with battery.
Error, no keyboard. Press F1 to continue.
Ever notice how fast Windows runs? Neither did I.
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don’t have film.
Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
Experience is what you get when you didn’t get what you wanted.
Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs.
For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.
For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.
Forget world peace. Visualize using your turn signal.
Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.
Friends may come and go, but enemies tend to accumulate.
Generally speaking, you aren’t learning much when your mouth is moving.
Genius does what it must, talent does what it can, and you had best do what you’re told.
Get a new car for your spouse; it’ll be a great trade!
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
Good judgment comes from bad experience and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.
He who laughs last thinks slowest.
Honk if you love peace and quiet.
Honk if you want to see my finger.
How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?
How does Teflon stick to the pan?
How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my hand.
I am not a vegetarian because I love animals. I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.
I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
I didn’t say it was your fault. I said I was going to blame you.
I don’t suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.
I feel like I’m diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
I get enough exercise just pushing my luck.
I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
I need someone really bad. Are you really bad?
I poured Spot remover on my dog. Now he’s gone.
I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose.
I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not sure.
I used to have a handle on life, and then it broke.
I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
I won’t rise to the occasion, but I’ll slide over to it.
I wouldn’t be caught dead with a necrophiliac.
I’m as confused as a baby in a topless bar.
I’m not a complete idiot, some parts are missing!
I’m writing a book. I’ve got the page numbers done.
If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
If ignorance is bliss, you must be orgasmic.
If you can read this, I can slam on my brakes and sue you!
If you can’t convince them, confuse them.
If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?
If you get to it and you can’t do it, well there you jolly well are, aren’t you.
If you haven’t much education you must use your brain.
If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again; it was probably worth it.
If you tell the truth you don’t have to remember anything.
If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
IRS: We’ve got what it takes to take what you’ve got.
It IS as bad as you think, and they ARE out to get you.
It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
It’s always darkest before dawn. So if you’re going to steal the neighbor’s newspaper, that’s the time to do it.
It’s lonely at the top, but you eat better.
Jack Kevorkian for White House Physician.
Jesus loves you, but everyone else thinks you’re an asshole.
Join the Army, meet interesting people, and kill them.
Keep honking. I’m reloading.
Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.
Learn from your parents’ mistakes: use birth control.
Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
Love may be blind but marriage is a real eye-opener.
Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.
Montana: At least our cows are sane!
More hay, Trigger? No thanks, Roy, I’m stuffed!
Multitasking means screwing up several things at once.
My hockey mom can beat up your soccer mom.
My mind is like a steel trap, rusty and illegal in 37 states.
Never ask a barber if he thinks you need a haircut.
Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with.
Never mess up an apology with an excuse.
Never miss a good chance to shut up.
Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
No one is listening until you make a mistake.
Oh Lord, give me patience, and GIVE IT TO ME NOW!
Okay, who put a stop payment on my reality check?
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
Oops. My brain just hit a bad sector.
Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
Pentiums melt in your PC, not in your hand.
Plan to be spontaneous, tomorrow.
Pride is what we have. Vanity is what others have.
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy.
Quantum mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of.
Quickly, I must hurry, for there go my people and I am their leader.
Reality is a crutch for people who can’t handle drugs.
Remember half the people you know are below average.
Save the whales. Collect the whole set
Save your breath. You’ll need it to blow up your date!
Sex is like air; it’s not important unless you aren’t getting any.
Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
Smile, it’s the second best thing you can do with your lips.
Smith & Wesson: The original point and click interface.
Some days you are the bug, some days you are the windshield.
Some drink at the fountain of knowledge. Others just gargle.
Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.
Success always occurs in private and failure in full view.
Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake!
Support bacteria, they’re the only culture some people have.
The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Finland. Now Santa Claus is missing.
The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required on it.
The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
The hardness of butter is directly proportional to the softness of the bread.
The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a flat tire.
The more you complain, the longer God makes you live.
The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.
The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
The secret of the universe is @*&^^^ NO CARRIER
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the ability to reach it.
The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette.
The shortest distance between two points is under construction.
The sooner you fall behind the more time you’ll have to catch up.
The universe is a figment of its own imagination. There’s no future in time travel.
There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can’t.
There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
There’s too much blood in my caffeine system.
Things are more like they are now than they ever were before.
Time is the best teacher; unfortunately it kills all of its students.
Time is what keeps everything from happening at once.
Timing has an awful lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles.
Very funny Scotty, now beam down my clothes.
Wanted: Meaningful overnight relationship.
Warning: Dates in calendar are closer than they appear.
We have enough youth, how about a fountain of smart?
We were born naked, wet and hungry. Then things got worse.
Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms!
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
What is a free gift? Aren’t all gifts free?
What’s the speed of dark?
When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane and going the wrong way.
When there’s a will, I want to be in it.
When you don’t know what you are doing, do it neatly.
Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?
Who stopped payment on my reality check?
Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
Why is abbreviation such a long word?
Why isn’t phonetic spelled the way it sounds?
Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.
You are depriving some poor village of its idiot.
You can do more with a kind word and a gun than with just a kind word.
You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted then used against you.
You’re just jealous because the voices are talking to me and not you!
Your gene pool could use a little chlorine.
Your kid may be an honors student, but you’re still an idiot.

A woman wants ONE man who fills her EVERY need, but a man wants EVERY woman who fills his ONE need.

If it looks easy, it’s hard.

If it looks hard, it’s impossible.

If it looks impossible,

it’s due tomorrow. At 8 AM.

Itsssssss Mine, All Mine, My Precioussssss 😀

Cheeky Darkie or, if you mind is as fucked up as WILLIAM FROSTS, you may Prefer Cheeky Little Darky you choose which one it is 😀

All men are idiots, and I married their King

So many stupid people… so few comets.

Your kid may be an honours student, but you’re still an idiot.

Cover me. I’m changing lanes.

I Brake for no apparent reason.

Learn from your parents’ mistakes — use birth control.

Forget about World Peace…Visualize using your turn signal.

Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.

It IS as bad as you think, and they ARE out to get you.

Auntie Em, Hate you, hate Kansas, taking the dog. Dorothy.

Time is what keeps everything from happening at once.

I love cats…they taste just like chicken.

Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

The more people I meet, the more I like my dog.

Work is for people who don’t know how to fish.

Montana — At least our cows are sane!

I didn’t fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.

Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.

If you don’t like the news, go out and make some.

Sorry, I don’t date outside my species.

Reality is a crutch for people who can’t handle drugs.

Where there’s a will, I want to be in it.

OK, who stopped payment on my reality check?

Few women admit their age; fewer men act it.

I don’t suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.

Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off NOW.

It’s lonely at the top, but you eat better.

According to my calculations, the problem doesn’t exist.

Give me ambiguity or give me something else.

We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things get worse.

Make it idiot-proof and someone will make a better idiot.

Always remember you’re unique, just like everyone else.

Very funny, Scotty, now beam down my clothes.

Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy.

Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.

Be nice to your kids. They’ll choose your nursing home.

If We Quit Voting Will They All Go Away?

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder…

There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can’t.

Keep honking…I’m reloading….

If You Can Read This, I Can Slam On My Brakes And Sue You

Jesus Loves You, The Rest Of Us Think You’re An Idiot.

Forget World Peace — Visualize Turning Off Your Turn Signal!


Where There’s A Will…I Want To Be In It!

Ever Stop To Think, And Forget To Start Again?

1,000,000 Sperm And YOU Were The Fastest??

This Would Be Really Funny If It Weren’t Happening To Me

This Bumper Sticker Exploits Illiterates

Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway

Honk If Anything Falls Off

He Who Laughs Last Thinks Slowest

He Who Hesitates Is Not Only Lost, But Miles From The Next Exit

I Haven’t Lost My Mind – It’s Backed Up On Disk Somewhere

Could you drive any better if I shoved that cell phone up your ASS?

If you can read this, I can slam on my brakes and sue you!

Jesus loves you, but everyone else thinks you’re an asshole.

100,000 sperm and YOU were the fastest?

Your gene pool needs a little chlorine.

JESUS SAVES . . . They Pass It To Lemieux . . .He Shoots..He..Scores!

You are depriving some poor village of its IDIOT.

Save Your Breath … You’ll need it to blow up your date!

Forget world peace. Visualize using your turn signal.

My Hockey Mom Can Beat Up Your Soccer Mom.


I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.

BEER: It’s not just for breakfast anymore.

So you’re a feminist…Isn’t that cute.

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

The more you complain, the longer God makes you live.

IRS: We’ve got what it takes to take what you’ve got.

Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.

Reality is a crutch for people who can’t handle drugs.

Out of my mind…Back in five minutes.

I took an IQ test and the results were negative.

Where there’s a will…I want to be on it.

Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.

Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.

Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

Be nice to your kids…They will pick out your nursing home.

Always remember you’re unique…Just like everyone else.

Honk If You Want To See My Finger.

JESUS SAVES . . . He Passes It To Zeus . . .He Shoots..He..Scores!

Don’t ride the horse, ride the cowboy…

STOP THINKING! It’s too painful to watch.

I may be cruel and nasty, but at least I’m good at it!

Nothing is more painful then realizing he means alot to you, and you mean nothing to him.

The night will leave her violated, and the morning will find her dead.

I laugh in the face of danger, then I run and hide until it goes away… (Xander from Buffy)

If you’re going my way, I’ll walk with you.

Should I smile, Cuz ur my friend, Or cry..Cuz that’s all we’ll ever be?

No guy is worth your tears & when you find one that is, he won’t make you cry.

Sometimes I wish I was a little kid again….skinned knees are easier to fix than broken hearts!

Everyone says you only fall in love once but thats not true, everytime I hear your voice I fall in love all over again

If you love someone put their name in a circle not a heart, a heart can be broken but a circle goes on forever

You laugh because im diffrent i laugh because you’re all the same

To the world your just one person but to one person you could mean the world



When I first saw you I was afarid to talk to you*When i first talked to you I was afraid to like you*When i first liked you i was afarid to love you*Now that I love you I m afraid to lose you

whats betta? a lie that draws a smile or the truth that draws a tear?

Last night I looked up at the stars And matched each one with a reason why I love you

I was doing great, but then I ran out of stars


a peach is a peach a plum is a plum a kiss isnt a kiss without some tongue

milk does the body good but DAMN how much did you drink?

Loving *U* is like breathing…how can i stop

I ran up the door, closed the stairs, said my pajamas, and put on my prayers. Turned off the bed, and hopped into the light, all because you kissed me good night

If yOu ReAlLy LoVe SoMeThInG sEt iT fReE, iF iT cOmEs BaCk iT’s YoUrS, iF iT dOeSn’T iT wAs NeVeR MeAnT tO Be

A MiLLi0n WoRDs Would Not Bring You Back, I Kn0w, BecauseI’ve Tried. Neither Would A Million TeaRs. I Know, BeCause I’ve Cried

A MeMoRy LaStS 4eVeR NeVeR DoEs it DiE TrUe FrieNdS StAy toGeThEr AnD NeVer SaY GoOdByE

A Person Who Asks A Question Is A Fool For Five Minutes, A Person Who Doesn’t Is A Fool Forever …

Love Is When You Don’t Want To Go To Sleep Because Reality Is Better Than A Dream

Our eyes are placed in front because it is more important to look ahead than to look back

If I could be anything I would be your tear, so I could be born in your eye, live down your cheek and die on your lips

If you love me like you told me please be careful with my heart you can take it; just don’t break it or my world will fall apart

God made elks, god made deers,God made NSYNC a bunch of QUEERS

Everyday That Goez By It Seemz Like I Discover Somethíng New about You To Love It’z Incredíble To Me How One Per§on Can Make Such A *BIG* Dífference In My

ífe You Touch Me In A Way No One Else Ever Haz And Gíve Me So Many Reasonz To Love You

dOn’t settLe 4 the oNe yOu Can LiVe wiTh…wAit 4 tHe onE yOu Can’t Live WithOut

NoThiN iS mOrE pAiNfuL Then ReALiZiN He MenT eVeRyThiN 2 u,& u MenT nOtHiN 2 HiM

Don’t push any1 to hard, if it’s meant to be, it will happen

I wasn’t Kissing him, I was just telling his lips a secret!!

do u believe in love at first site? or should i walk by again?

Roses are red violets are blue god made me pretty what happened to you?


¡T’s My L¡Fe N i’LL L¡Ve iT ThE WaY *¡* WanT To


who let the dogs out??… WHO WHO WHO WHO? who let the dogs out WHO WHO WHO WHO WHO??!?!?!

please e-mail me back if u have the answer, my dogs have been missing all day!!

ReMeMbEr mY nAmE * ReMeMbEr My FaCe * CuZ tHeRe AiNt nO oThA hOnEy ThAt CaN tAkE mY pLaCe

I’m Loved by some, Hated by many, Envied by most, Yet wanted by plenty

would you catch me if i you even notice all?

If ur naughty go 2 ur room..

If u wanna be naughty, go 2 mine


God created men first, cause you always make a rough draft before a masterpiece!

Heaven won’t have me and hells afraid i’ll take over!

IT’s better to let someone think you are an Idiot than to open your mouth and prove it

I always knew looking back on the tears would make me laugh But I never knew looking back on the laughs would make me cry

God made mud god made dirt god made guys so girls can flirt

God made coke god made pepsi god made (Name) so darn sexy

All Good Girls And Boys Go To Heaven Thats Why I Wasnt Invited

Don’t hate the player, HATE the game!

Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened

The more I get to know guys, the more I like dogs

Some day u’ll cry for me like i cried for you ¤ Some day u’ll miss me like i missed you ¤ Some day u’ll need me like i needed you Some day u’ll love me, but i wont luv you!

Everyone who lives dies but not everyone who dies lives

It’s hard to tell your mind to stop lovin sumone when your heart still does…

guys are like slinkies its always fun to watch them fall down the stairs

*Star light ….Star bright …. where the heck is Mr. Right?*

Love makes life so confusing but without love would you want to live?”

Fine guys open my eyes, smart guys open my mind but only a sweet guy can open my heart

If u need space join NASA baby!!!

girls are like phones, we like to be held and talked too, but if u press the wrong button u’ll be disconnected!

If ur nice, you can call me sweety. If ur sweet you can call me hunny. If ur hot you can call me tonight.

Dream as if you’ll live forever…Live as if you’ll die


A wise monkey never monkies with another monkey’s monkey!

If love isnt a game, then why are there so many players?

***everyones entitled to be stupid but you are abusing the priviledge***

*§omewhere There’§ §omeone Who Dream§ Of Your §mile, And Find§ In Your Pre§ence That Life I§ Worth While, §o When You Are Lonely, Remember It’§ True:

omebody, §omewhere Is Thinking Of You*

Never start frowning because you never know who’s falling in love with your smile 🙂

I’m like a butterly-pretty 2c- hard 2 catch!

~*~One day your prince will come, mine just took a wrong turn, got lost, and is to stubborn to ask for directions~*~

*You can fall from the sky* *You can fall from a tree* *But the best way to fall* *Is in love with me*

I’M ThReW W/ GuYz,ThEy AlL tElL LieS,ThEy BrAkE uR <3 n MaKe U CrY,LuViN gUyZ iS sUcH a SiN,hEy ChEcK tHaT gUy WhO jUs WaLkEd In

It’s not the size of the dog, It’s the size of the fight in the dog!

Last night I was looking at the stars and I was wondering where the heck is my ceiling!

only little boys who call themselves men say I love you, and don’t mean it.

I Am A Princess, I Live In The Clouds, If You Wanna Kick It With Me, You Better Bow Down, So Get On Your Knees, And Call Me Your Highness, Cuz Baby Believe Me I’m New York’s Finest!

Some times ur mind doesnt want u 2 be in love..but deep down u know you are….

Do I Look like a grocery item to you?¿?¿? I see you checking me out!!

If You Luv Me… Let Me Know… If You Don’t… Then Let Me Go…

*::–;LoVe iZ LiKe QuiCkSanD-dA DeEpEr u FaLL iN iT ThA HaRdA iT iZ 2 GeT OuT;–::*

Ur HuGz N KiSsEz R LiKe ThE StArZ U LiTe Up mY LiFe wHeN tHiNgZ gEt DaRk

Did u fall down the ugly tree and hit every branch on your way down!

*ThEy SaY tRuE lOvE hiDeS bEhiNd eVeRy CoRnEr…I mUsT bE wALkiNg iN CiRcLeS!!!*

If Your asking if I Need U the answer is 4Ever.. If Your askin if I’ll Leave U the answer is Never..If Yur askin what I value the Answer is U.. if Yur askin if I love U the

nswer is I do

what’s the difference between boy’s soccer and girl’s soccer? oh ya girl’s make it look better!!

Love is like sand, if ya hold on to it too tight.. It might slip away~!

¨*:·.PeOpLe ArE gUnA tALk BoUt u SpEcIaLlY wHeN tHeY eNvY u N tHe LiFe U LiVe…lEt ThEm..U aFfEcTeD tHeIr LiVeS…tHeY dIdNt AfFeCt UrS…·:*

Did the sun just come out or did you just smile at me?

Give a mouse a cookie, he’ll want a glass of milk

*I wAnTeD 2 KiLL dA sExiEsT PeRsOn ALiVe ThEn I rELiZeD….oHh Ya! SuCiCiDeZ a CriMe!*

Well if i called the wrong number, whyd you answer?

There’s a light at the end of every tunnel, just pray it’s not a train.

*4GeT THe TiMeS u WaLKeD By* 4GeT THe TiMeS u MaDe Me CRy* 4GeT THe TiMe u HeLD My HaND *4GeT THe SWeeT THiNGS iF i CaN*I cAn No LoNgEr

rEtEnD*I GoTTa ReMeMBeR NoW uR JuST My FRieND.*

Im an angel! Honest! The horns are just there to keep the halo up straight!

When I look at you my heart skips 1 beat but later that beat could mean a life time of tears wasted on some thing i knew i could never have!

an angel is what i was meant to be thats why bein sweet come so naturally!

Friends r like stars they come and go but da 1’s dat stay r the 1’s that glow

~If I could be an angel, I’d make your every wish come true, but I am only human, Just a girl who’s loving you~

How can you be friends with someone if everytime you look at them, it makes you want them even more?

*I wish I may, I mish I might, be the one you wish for tonite*

“it’s quality not quantity”

You never know what you have until you lose it, and once you lose it, you can never get it back

.·*xºunTiL dA oCeaN dOEseN’t toUCh dA sANDº x x º i WiLL forEver BE an *NsYnC FaNº xøº°´°ºø

You know your in love when the hardest thing to say is goodbye.

you used to make me smile, you used to make me laugh, but now your attitude makes me want to yak.

Don’t be a guy, The world is full of guys.Be a MAN

Love is … Running into his arms, Colliding with his heart, And exploding into its soul

4 out of 5 voices in my head say go back to sleep

I know my calculouse it says U=ME=US


When you finally find the perfect guy you think to yourself, why isn’t he taken?

My heart was taken by you…breaken by you…and now it is in pieces because of you

guys r pigs …… n of course i always get the runt

º°x·:He HoLdS Me WheN i StArT 2 cRy ø´¨`»MaKeS Me SmiLe WiTh JuS HiS eYeZ ShAreZ

Sometimes you have to sacrifice LOVE, just to save a FRIENDSHIP.

When god made me he was just showing offA small mind and a big mouth are usually found in the same place.

I lie all the time – infact Im lieing right now Is our love Questionable? *

–Love is when u cant pay attention in class—cuz u foreva writin ur first name wit his last—

never slap a guy…..if he does anything to desevre a slap,just give him an all out beating!

*~If it looks like a duck, smells like a duck, and quacks like a duck, then it is not a og!!~*

EMINDER: hating me won’t make you pretty!


Did I ever tell u your my hero………I didnt???

You’re not a dog, STOP drooling over me!!

ThEy SaY (NaMe) iS A PiRaTeS TrEsURE eCaUsE ShE HaS A SuNkED ChEsT.

ATtItUdE OuT Of CoNtRoL!!!!!!

(Name) is slower then a herd of turtles stampeding through peanutbutter.

*Guys, u cant live with them,but they wont go away!*

LoVe….. WhO nEeDs It?!

I N V U 4 U R A Q T

JuSt BeCaUSe LiPs HaVe MeT DoESn’t MeAn HeArTs HaVe JoInEd~*~ I love…ummm lets see…basketball! thought i wuz ganna say u! to bad!!!~*~

NeVeR sAy U hATe HiM iF u CaN’t LeT gO oF HiM!

If a man says something when no one is around is he still wrong?

You broke my heart into pieces,so now its my turn to break something of yours.

~Don’t worry, I won’t miss you TOO much….~You’ll be in my dreams!!!~

~*~Your as fake as a 3$ bill!!!!!!!!!~*~

~*~i wanna die lik mah grandpa, pacefully in hiz sleep, not screamin n’ yellin like the passengers in his car~*~

Today was tomorrow yesterday

How do u know if it’s right? and if it is right…….. what if u’ve already let him go?


Caution: Boyz Are Dangerous!!!!

kindness is in our power, even when fondness is not

One minute I am his girl……… the next my best friend is his girl!

my boyfriend is an idiot……………but I love him anyway


its funny how a heart is two tear drops upside down

If you HoLd mY haND ….

HoLD It TiGhT caUse WheN yoU LeT GO…

OuR LOve HaS BeeN LosT..

yoU CauGhT mY eYe…

CAn i HAvE iT baCk PleASe?

People say life is short. I say I’m shorter.

*~!@#$~* Not You, Not Now, Not EVER *~!@#$~*

?¿ DonT AsK Me HarD QuEsTiOnS ?¿

~!~!~Calm your nerve~!~!~!

GuYz R sOo MiSsLeADiNg…

ThEy LEaD u To ThInK tHeY lOvE u….

WhEn ReAlLy>> ThEy DoNt CaRe….

Always wear cute pajamas to bed

you’ll never know who u will meet in your dreams

I will always luv u, but that don’t mean I always like u

love will die if held too tightly

love will fly if held too lightly.

……. stuff happens …….

Don’t fall in luv wit da illusion,

illusions r confusin, b in luv wit da reality!

I dOnT nEeD 2 dReAm – I gOt U !!

When it hurts to look back and

you are scared to look ahead,

look beside you and I will be there

¤Íf Í prømï§ë to m裏 ýou wïll yøu go åwåÿ ?!¤

A smile is worth a thousand words,

but cant we say the same about a frown?

I look at you and think to myself,

why do i miss you so much when

you are standing right next to me?

You keep bringing up the past…

and I keep hoping for a future.

DoN’t WeAr A fRoWn, iTs NeVeR iN sTyLe…


Life isn’t over just bcuz u got dumped

*~Sooner than u think~*

*~I’ll be back in a wink!~*

DO NOT mess da hair,

I love my hair and I dont want it to b messed up!

I was afraid to love you forever,

but when I did, I lost you forever.

(name) your lips keep on moving

but all I hear is Blah, Blah, Blah

so with a touch of my hair

and a twist of my hips

this lil angel is gone with a kiss


I CaN’t HeLp It… GoD MaDe MeEh ThIs SwEeT!

+*^^*+ Life is a game – play it – enjoy it – win it +*^^*+

¡¡ I wanted to stop !!

*§* I just couldn’t *§*

¿ How can I ?

..:. I was addicted .:..

As I walked out the door,

I knew that my heart would shut the door for me

I was standing in the park, wondering why frisbees got bigger as they got closer. Then it hit me.

~*I knew I was a nut the day the squirrel

started looking at me funny*~

roses are red, violets are blue…who cares? so are crayons!

I will not think of boysI will not think of boysI will not think of boys…wow that guy is hot!

~*~It’s called skill, get some~*~

sO mAnY BoYs » sO LiTtLe TiMe….FoUnD ThE RiGhT oNe bUt hE CaN NeVeR Be MiNe!*!

HoW CaN GuYz SaY So MaNy MeAN ThInGz AnD NoT EvEn CaRE?

don’t underestimate the knowledge of stupid people

I wanted to kill the hottest person alive…. but then I relized! I would be single!!!

Life is the real test, and boys are extra credit!

If it barks like a dog and it bites like a dog it probably has flees just like a dog!

Boys should where caution signs that say “capable of breaking hearts” cuz some people find that out the hard way.

U+ME=over and done with

from A to Z all that really matters is U and I

If ur a playa hater, u basically hate every guy, in the world

I’m in like with you,But im in love with him.

you’re a smart cookie… you’re just lacking the chocolate chipz

Ok, ok ,ok ,ok i understand… Wait, what?

A washer machine keeps going till its time to put it in the dryer but does real love work that way?

DO NOT DISTURB (i’m disturbed enough already.)

~*Just ßecause i ƒlirt doesnt mean im interested*~

I think about you day and night… I swear that your Mr. Right, I’ll love you more then you’ll ever know.. Baby, thats why I’ll never letting ya go!!

ThE hAmsTeRs DeAd BuT tHe WhEeL Is StIlL tUrNiNg

~~~~WhAt ArE yOoOoOoOoU dOiNg?~~~~

where are we going and why am i in this darn basket?


why are you reading this ?? who do you think you are ?

If there ain’t any basketball in heaven then i ain’t goin’

judge me all you want but keep the verdict to yourself

I am stuck on the bandaids cause oh no it wont come off! help!

-*~!-YoU’rE dA bOmB, cUz YoU mAdE mY hEaRt ExPlOdE-!~*-

!!!~**GuYs R LiKe TaPeZ…. pLaY ‘eM BaCk**~!!!


*~Guys are like Peniguins they waddle and they can’t seem to fly away~

The closer we grow, the further away we get.

~*I love you & you & you & you~*

-If they say TV’s so bad for you then why do they have one in every hospital room?-

If tomorrow is going to be twice as cold as it is today, and if today is 0 degrees, how cold will it be tomorrow?

-Last night I dreamed I ate a ten-pound marshmallow,and when I woke up the pillow was gone.-

It’s ok to kiss a fool.It’s ok to let a fool kiss you.But never let a kiss fool you.

Guys are like puppies they’re cute and playful untill they become dogs.

I woke up this morning and realized, you arent the one for me!

~i look up at the stars. i wonder who and where you are…i don’t think i can take another lonly night… i am giving up this fight~

Love isn’t blind,

Chances are…ur the 1 datz blind!!!

We All Make Mistakes……..But Why’d Mine Have To Be So Huge????

im the downest chk ull ever meet im the one thats oh so sweet but dont fall for me u will regret cuz its certain im a lil playette!

Don’t yell at me, yell at your boyfriend.

Don’t follow me; I don’t know where I’m going!

There’z a difference between me n u I’ve got skillz n u got izzuzez!

BoyZ…EvErYbOdy NeedS OnE! oR 2….Or mAybE 3…..oK 10!!!!!

LoVe Is LiKe A rOlLeR cOaStEr DoN’T bArF!!!

How do you know if he’s your soulmate?…. You’ll just know…

Smiles And Tears, Giggles And Laughs. Late Night Calls And Cute Photographs. I’ll Be There For U Till Da Day Of My Death. Best Gurlies Forever ill My Very Last Breath.

True death is life without love.

do i got your word or do i got your lye?

I aM wHo I aM….gEt OvEr It!!!

Kiss me once, Kiss me twice, Kiss me three times and i juss might bite!!!

*Its not like I wanted to be the one holding your hand…

I just didn’t want her holding it…*

No matter how good he/her

looks, somewhere, someplace in the

world, there’s another girl who is sick

and tired of putting up with their sh1t.

Who ever I want

What ever i Want

When ever i want

I dont care what What you want

only you’d know your mother in that way

Next time I see you ill try not to laugh in your inbred face

Money isn’t everything, but at least it encourages

relatives to stay in touch..